Recently I've listened this guy's video blog where he was talking about his secret that was always like....there or around but it was never enough to bring it up to his parents..
Long story short this guy was sexually molested by his uncle...
Only once tho but....he immediately rapported that to his parents and they told him that they gonna take care of it but that he should never mention it to anyone especially to his grandmother cuz she would like... die...
Nothing happened so the guy..well a kid at the age of 11 felt unprotected and every time he would hear his uncle's voice downstairs at his grandmother's part of a house, he would hide himself in a closet:(((
He's describing himself as a kid that looked alot like a girl..he was skinny,loved metallica so his hair was long so in his head that was his fault...his uncle was molesting him cuz he looked like a girl...
The guy later on becomes a heavy heroine addict and also almost 300lbs bodybuilder...
He is certain that his addiction comes partially from holding that secret inside of him all his life and also the need to become a huge was totally from that feeling of being weak and unprotected...
It was so painful that he decided to bring this up to his mom nowadays when he's like 40!!!
And the stupid part in all was that when he asked his mom...like...does she remembers that she said yes of course...
He went..why in the world didn't your do something about it...and she went like...honey,we did...we actually told your story to your grandma right away and she almost stabbed him,threatened him she's gonna kill him if he lay his hands on you ever again...
But....he never knew that...so there you go....all that hate,fear,rage and who knows what,over an event that happened like almost thirty years ago...
The story alone is so fucked up I don't even know what to think of it but at least it proves one of a few things I positive about and that is...
None of us was born a murderer or a scientist..we simply become that later on...
So if you have something that haunts you from since like ever...think about it..what made you become tht way....
You have a bad relationship with food...what made you have it..
You think that all women are dirty sluts...there's a reason why you feel that....
What...too tough of course but that's the whole point of it...to solve your problems from the very beginning....
I was writing about my becoming a macho and tough badass and shit...hell look at me...u think I started my bodybuilding accidentally at the age of 12-13...
No...my father died at exactly the same time...so of course...u're a kid now livening with your mom and sister...the only figure in your life that for you was the ultimate protector died...and u definitely feel all that pressure on your shoulders...
Now it's you little buddy...u need to be able to protect your family...stop being a kid cuz it's time for you to become a man..regardless of what you feel,what you want and what's appropriate to your age...
For fuck sake I used to work as a security guard at that same age...so sick...
So there your go..even now I have a problem sometime to show my emotional side...just because I was brought up in the world where that was for pussies...
But the good thing in all this sickness is that I finally approached this thing bravely and also a good part is that I've spent alot of my free time totally alone.
You know that feeling when you are afraid to be alone for too long...I know now why...it's because loneliness doesn't ask any questions but it gives a shit loads of answers...and usually the ones w're having a hard time to handle and accept...
So...take it from me...
Start making friends..with yourself...cuz it's amazing when you start loving that person again❤️
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