Hey ya all...hope you're good...i am any way:))) here we are in my small town in serbia,spending my time with people who have known me for a looong time...
It's a nice feeling to see them but also to get the chance to hang out with my nephews and family...
There's also this special date for my family when we gathee with my uncle and his family who lives in belgrade to give respect to the death of my dad who died 16th of july 1992 but we reescheduled that in order to be all together...and i always liked these days...
While we were in greece we sat on the balcony my mother in law,my wifey and me..just hanging there together...we start talking about how often do i think of my dad...and i do,alot and i was talking about how i feel about him and his death in general how it struck us in the worst possible time but...no one gets to choose the time for that...
But then,since we were into that kinda talk i started talking about "my love"....
I called "my love" this girl and it's kinda weird to talk with my mother in law about my ex girlfriends but... I just felt like it...
We meet like...ten years ago way before my wife and i were together..she was this crazy good looking girl who saw me at one big club where i was a security guard,and immediately gave me smiles and was extra nice to me...so the night was over,and we decided to hang out after so it was kinda one night thing but i immediately felt a lot more towards her...
Two of them spent the night at my appartment...i'll never forget the expresion on my mom's face when i got up the next morning and told her ...mom could you put three coffee please i have some girls here with me...hehe...she was speachless:)))
After that we always met every now and then...and what was realy cool after that we never were intimate again,but every time we met we were making out and couldn't stop talking with one another...she was so easy to hang out with, and i really enjoyed her presence..
We never talked about us though but she told me and i told here a million times i love you....and i did love her to death,because she was so humble and honest person even when she was aware that her acts sometimes weren't something to be proud of...she was never a fony...
I always told her one thing i didn't like about her and that was her way of partying...when she was out,all dressed up and ready for the night she would get wild.... a party monster...and i was kinda ok with that..since we weren't in a relationship or anything i didn't have problems with her being with other guys...i wasn't jelaous or anything,i was more concerned about her sometimes heavy drinking and especially about the fact that she never gave a shit how she would get back home..she would hitch -hike in the middle of the night with no problem...and i was always pissed at her telling her that she's going to get in trouble and that she was always welcome to sleep at my place just to be safe...but i guess if that night she was makin' out with some dude,she wouldn't feel comfortable to come to me...like i ever gave a shit...i loved her as a person and i couldn't care less abot some random dork...she was my love and that's how i called her that and she called me "my love" too and i was quite happy with that...
I alway's preached to her when she was pushing her limits of drinking and partying...hey...drink,laugh,have sex,have great time but still have some limits...i told her "sometimes you really seem like somebody told you that you have some evil cancer disease and yo've got a week to live...take it easy you have a whole life for that"...and she always told me..."hey...you never know what's gonna happend to you tomorrow so when i go out to party..i do that as it's my last day...and nothing else..."
I remember her sister who was totaly easy going person...she hated my guts..when she realized that me and her sister had something going on...
She saw a monster in me who only wanted to use and hurt her sister and she was always willing to show that as well by not saying hi or stuff but i undestood that...
Last time "my love" and i spoke was when we meat on the street i heard that she failed the year at her school and i was critisizing her hard while at the same time i was hugging her since we hadn't spoken for a while...she laughed and said.."well..whatta' hell...we only have one life:)))"
A couple days from then i was in my room sleeping...the phone rang,i answered it was my mom...she was crying...
The only thing she told me was....honey...Milica had a car accident last night and she's dead.
My love's name was Milica petkovic and she was killed in a car accedent at the age of 18 by a drunk driver,who also killed two more people that night it was two guys one 19 and other 23-24 year of age...
The killer was drunk enough to cross the center line and directly collided with this kid's car and killed them on sight...
I've heard that Milica's legs were almost cut off all the way and that when they brought her body to the hospital here phone rang...it was her mom calling her since it was very late and she wasn't home...
I belive that that there's not so many days that i don't think about her at least for a single moment...
On her funeral i was devastated...i don't really remember a whole lot of it but the weird thing was that i remember one good thing about that funeral...and that was when her sister Marija saw me there,she hugged me so hard that i felt in that single moment that she changed her mind about me and about what was Milica for me and to me...
She actually visited me a couple of times to really get to know me better and to say that she was wrong...she explained to me that Milica had a bunch of friends who never took their time to even appear on that funeral and those people were her "good friends"...and she told me that when she saw me there crying my eyes out she realized that milica was actualy special to me...and she was...and she still is...
Even now days in my room here in serbia i have a beautiful picture of her...that always causes me a huge amount of sadness but also gives me smiles...cuzz i don't know should i celebrate her life or should i moan for her death...
I guess i just miss "My love".
