I guess u can't get rid of it...just put it under control🙏

Everybodey...heeeeejjjjjjjj!!!

Hope u had a great weekend...well i did..beside tha fact i spent almost a whole weekend with my lovely sexy wifey...we've watched the movie...not a movi but THE MOVIE...

Hunger games mockingjay...great movie and i just keep being more and more in love with jennifer lawrence and katniss everdeen as well...the amount of that girl's talent is just fuckin beautiful..i love her...

Anyhow I wanted to share with you some of many wrongs about myself...

Friday was kinda slow at my work so i got a time to sit down,eat my food...check out my fb instagram...and all the other bullshit...

I was just about to finish my meal number five it was easy and pieceful in the dinning room and then this guy who was waiting to go to a toilet apparently pissed off cuz he was waiting for too long,just slapped the door as hard as he could!!!

He was standing right beside me so I obviously didn't see that one coming..so i almost dropped my fork on the flor...

And than...an instant flashback....serbia...me working as a security guard...

Now when i came to sweden i told my wife I'll work everything and anything except as a security guard...i want to leave that behind cuzz that job fuckin sucks...

I mean you beat up people for living...who wants to do that..i know that i'm a piece of shit for many people and i know i'm not a doctor or a lawyer but i still like to belive that my purpose in this world is a bit different...

So as i was working that job for sooooo long I kinda created an instinct...and my instinct after two seconds that guy hit that door was...that i should just stand and keep punching his head until he just stop showing any signs of life.

I was trembling...I felt so bad that I felt that way...cuz I really thought that part of me has disappeared..but it's not...it's still inside of me...doesn't say hello so very often but these events are sort of wake up call...that It will probably stay in me till the end...

People who haven't had to experience violence don't even know how fortunate they are...cuz me and my friends i been working tht shitty job with,went through some real fucked up stuff...

We were attacked,threatened...managing some crazy situations where tex. two gangs start provoking eachothers from the two oposite sides of the club and just all the sudden they start aproaching eachothers...both grups have already have more than 50years in prison all together all pretty bollsy and all packed with guns or sometimes even hand grenades:))

Never being able to go anywhere  without a gun or without looking behind your shoulder who's there..sitting in a cafe monitoring people...who's pissed at you...who did you beat up maybe three years ago and today he wants his payback...all those things changes you...forever...

After five minutes the fool from my restaurant was saying everybody goodbuy and how sorry he was for that little incident...and that made me realize...I never gonna be completely cured...and that I need to keep holding that bad side of me deep down and never let it out...cuz the person i am today and the person a want to be tomorrow can not behave anything like that!

It might sound silly but I really feel better when writing this stuff so..thank you🙏❤️✌️