Feeling loved

Hey boys and gals😘

Iour last night in Sweden before the summer vacation and I'm still not excited about it...why...I'm probably not that kind of guy..

Tomorrow when we sit our asses in the cab...then excitement starts to kick in...

Anyway..ai wanted to write a bit about my favorite subject in the world..and that's of course..LOVE😌

I met people..online and in person and I really like most of them..I do..but it can be ages without feeling THE feeling and honestly it's not very pleasant.

Usually when you keep liking people and nothing more you..or in this case..me...I feel very lonely..and sort of numb...

Now some of you will say..but you have a wife,don't you love her...

Well to all of you who think like that..think about how conservative and possessive you are..thinking that there's only so much love in you to be able just one person and that's it...fuck that you know that isn't true...

We love many people in many ways..and if you disagree with me on that..I honestly feel sorry for you...

Now..I met this girl at work and in the beginning she was just a girl to me..a colleague,a pretty and young girl and that's it...

That's what I feel like 99% times...until something happened...

Well first thing that actually happened was that I was teasing her about some guy and when she had enough of me,she simply told me to fuck off:)))

You maybsee this as..she told you to fuck off ao what...

So a lot actually..when a 21 year old girl tell someone like me tk fuck off it means only one thing...

She doesn't see me as a fuckin animal!

For someone that looks the way I do that thing alone means a lot...

After spending time with her I started to like her more and more...

She's not much of a talker but somehow being silent with her never gave me the uncomfortable feeling...

 

We joked and laughed a lot and we do that on a regular basis...and when it's time for me to leave she goes..please don't go😌😌😌

Can you believe what happens in a heart of an old fuck like me,when I hear that from someone so loving like her..

It's good tho..because everyday life is making us numb and emotionally shut down and when she's making me so mallow again I feel so alive❤️

So I'm a kind of person that when I feel something I don't like to hold it in..I say it...

I told her I love you,Cassandra..and she didn't know how to respond to it..accept maybe some teary eyes but it's ok..

You know why..because I felt loved...and it's the most precious feeling a person can experience...

The number of people that experience zero love from the world is frightening..so I'm so blessed about every person in my life that's giving me that feeling..I hope I give it back just as much🙏🏽

We also had our first fight..well,I would call it a fight but it wasn't pleasant definitely...

So she told me she loves me too,and everything's fine but it came across my mind..call me a maniac,call me a piece of shit..but I just couldn't let go that thought...

What if she's emotionally in love with me..

Now I never felt anything weird from her but as an old fart I need to have that responsibility too...cuzz the last thing I want is for her to end up being hurt...

So I asked...

The answer was no,but even though she made me ask her over text messages I could feel her disappointment and shame...

The thing with my fuckin Asperger's syndrome that I don't have ability to assume..so even if you enter my room with your naked pussy I won't assume you wanna fuck until u say hey..would you please be so fuckin kind to fuk me..

That's the only reason I asked..but even so..she wouldn't let me get away with it easily...

Honestly I thought I lost her because from spending time with her as it was the easiest thing,turned into the most uncomfortable silence...

I was so fucked up..

Didn't regret for a single second for asking her because my goal was actually to protect her not to make her uncomfortable..but yet that's actually all I did...

The shitties part of it was that she's si shy that whenever I tried to explain myself to her she would simply walk away😕 

She probably thought that I'm one of those assholes who as soon as a girl give them a smile they automatically assume that she also wanna fuk them..but it couldn't be more further from the truth...

Luckily kids these days are way battery in texting than in talking..so I played along...

Even on a messenger I didn't get too much space nor time to defend myself but..luckily this time..love prevailed😀

We're so good again and it makes me so happy..I don't like the fact that we're not gonna work together anymore,since I'm moving to another gym but as I said..

There's nothing that can stand in a way to a real love...it's unbeatable force..and I live for that forces

Feeling loved is so good and so precious that I'm thankful everyday to my life for sending me such a loving people as my baby girl Cassi and I hope I'm giving my love back at least much as I get it🙏🏽