Two years ago my mom sent me an email...about she has been diagnosed of lounge cancer...went to a dictor for some perscriptions,the doc took a time to listen on her breathing...tought that she heard something strange...sent her to a further analyses and there it was...a smal size cancer at it's very begining of development...but still...cancer...i didn't know how to react..
First thing that came to me was..god,just dont'l let her die in pain,suffering in some hospital...if that's the way is gotta be..make it quick and painless..
Also i knew that she's a panik-queen...she start paniking for nothing so i knew that she is freeking out...yet didn't know what to tell her next time i call her...
I called her any way...and tought how shoul i think if someone tells me that i have that ...so same thing i told her...
I said..look mom...you have a dissees of wich lot of people died...so there's a posibility that you gonna die too...and if that's the case,there's nothing in the world we can do to change that...but untill that happends...you are not dead..you pretty much alive...so what i can tell you now is...be happy for that...be happy for living this great life,don't dare to think about tomorrow...because life is now...enjoy in it...injoy in every breath you take and be greatfull for that..spend every second of your free time exactly how you want...try to live the rest of your life...because if you get scared...and start spending your days in fear...be certain that that's not life...so it will be the same as you're already dead...
She went to the surgery,and after through a hemo and after that she got fully recoverd...
They say that with cancer you can never be sure,but we hope that things stay the way they are...
She is in good condition,spending almost every day with her grandchildren,try to eat healthy so we are all very greatfull for having her around.
My dad died when i was twelve...he was 39 years old..came home from the village where my grandparents used to live...it was a hot july day he came home,i was out with my friend riding a bicycle...he just said that he feels bad,and that he needs a doctor...doctors came,gave him a shot...he had a heart attack soon after they brought him out of our apartment and his heart stop on their way to the hospital...
As i'm getting older i think of him more and more...how my life would be if he was around...where would i end up...the day when he died was the saddest day of my life...rigt that day i felt that my childhood was over...that i'm gonna be totaly alone in every aspect of growing up,where you need a dad..my first shaving was self-taught...kissing a girl for the first time...having sex...having a fight,my first drunkeness..i went through all that alone or with my mom fighting like a lion for me and my sister...but i knew that that day that what ever my goals gonna be...i'm all alone in their acomlishments...so it migt sound very wrong of me to say or write something like this but...at the same time...that was the happyest day of my life...because i think that without my dad's death i would't learn one of the most important things in life...at least not at the age of twelve...and that is...that you are truly alone and if you want something...you go and you get it...by your self...don't wait your momy or dady to give you like you are retatrd...make something out of your self...become better and the most important...keep becoming better and better...
When ever i think of him and try not to feel sad...i think of things that my sister and i have done to make him proud...because we are his only legacy...
...so i try to be a good person...i try every day to change for better..i know that nothing would make him more proud...i try to treat my mom the best way i can it would mean to him alot...but i also try to treat people the best i can..i wanna be like the person he was...because there was no one person that has start living better and have a happier life when he died and i have met so many people that are real asshols and their death would be a releaf for many others around them..and that's a disgrase...everybody who new my dad felt a big lost that day...and i wanna achive that as well... treat people the best you can...the way you would like to be treated...recpect others,respect diferences....be a better man!
I might bother you with my thoughts..sorry,but yesterday was my dad's birthay and today he would be 60 and i was thinking alot about him...so...happy birthay dad:-)
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back...
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