you live...and you die...

Two years ago my mom sent me an email...about she has been diagnosed of lounge cancer...went to a dictor for some perscriptions,the doc took a time to listen on her breathing...tought that she heard something strange...sent her to a further analyses and there it was...a smal size cancer at it's very begining of development...but still...cancer...i didn't know how to react..
First thing that came to me was..god,just dont'l let her die in pain,suffering in some hospital...if that's the way is gotta be..make it quick and painless..
Also i knew that she's a panik-queen...she start paniking for nothing so i knew that she is freeking out...yet didn't know what to tell her next time i call her...
I called her any way...and tought how shoul i think if someone tells me that i have that ...so same thing i told her...
I said..look mom...you have a dissees of wich lot of people died...so there's a posibility that you gonna die too...and if that's the case,there's nothing in the world we can do to change that...but untill that happends...you are not dead..you pretty much alive...so what i can tell you now is...be happy for that...be happy for living this great life,don't dare to think about tomorrow...because life is now...enjoy in it...injoy in every breath you take and be greatfull for that..spend every second of your free time exactly how you want...try to live the rest of your life...because if you get scared...and start spending your days in fear...be certain that that's not life...so it will be the same as you're already dead...
She went to the surgery,and after through a hemo and after that she got fully recoverd...
They say that with cancer you can never be sure,but we hope that things stay the way they are...
She is in good condition,spending almost every day with her grandchildren,try to eat healthy so we are all very greatfull for having her around.
My dad died when i was twelve...he was 39 years old..came home from the village where my grandparents used to live...it was a hot july day he came home,i was out with my friend riding a bicycle...he just said that he feels bad,and that he needs a doctor...doctors came,gave him a shot...he had a heart attack soon after they brought him out of our apartment and his heart stop on their way to the hospital...
As i'm getting older i think of him more and more...how my life would be if he was around...where would i end up...the day when he died was the saddest day of my life...rigt that day i felt that my childhood was over...that i'm gonna be totaly alone in every aspect of growing up,where you need a dad..my first shaving was self-taught...kissing a girl for the first time...having sex...having a fight,my first drunkeness..i went through all that alone or with my mom fighting like a lion for me and my sister...but i knew that that day that what ever my goals gonna be...i'm all alone in their acomlishments...so it migt sound very wrong of me to say or write something like this but...at the same time...that was the happyest day of my life...because i think that without my dad's death i would't learn one of the most important things in life...at least not at the age of twelve...and that is...that you are truly alone and if you want something...you go and you get it...by your self...don't wait your momy or dady to give you like you are retatrd...make something out of your self...become better and the most important...keep becoming better and better...
When ever i think of him and try not to feel sad...i think of things that my sister and i have done to make him proud...because we are his only legacy...
...so i try to be a good person...i try every day to change for better..i know that nothing would make him more proud...i try to treat my mom the best way i can it would mean to him alot...but i also try to treat people the best i can..i wanna be like the person he was...because there was no one person that has start living better and have a happier life when he died and i have met so many people that are real asshols and their death would be a releaf for many others around them..and that's a disgrase...everybody who new my dad felt a big lost that day...and i wanna achive that as well... treat people the best you can...the way you would like to be treated...recpect others,respect diferences....be a better man!
I might bother you with my thoughts..sorry,but yesterday was my dad's birthay and today he would be 60 and i was thinking alot about him...so...happy birthay dad:-)
    
                                              Are you looking down upon me?
                                              Are you proud of who I am?
                                              There's nothing I wouldn't do
                                              To have just one more chance   
                                              To look into your eyes
                                              And see you looking back...                    

A bit of joy...healthy joy

Since i know i liked to eat...food was always something i have injoyed...and mostly it was about protein sources..mainly meat,but also fish and chicken,lamb...you name it..i remember my sister when we were kids,she always used to complaine about meat...too hard,too chewy,too...something,while i had my mouth shout...and full of food:-)
So you can imagine how hard can be for me to eat same,bland,barely any taste food during the diet period...and then you can imagine how glad i am when the diet is over and i get to eat,eat,eat...
But...people ask me,about how does it feel now after diet to be able to eat crap...i always say...i never rearly do that...for me it's a big waste...smometimes...fine...often...no way...it would be an insult to all that great food available everywhere...so,no,no to candy and shit.
Today,while i was boring my self to death at my job,i've decided to eat something nice with my regular chicken meal...and so i did...i wanted rösti potatis or mabey roasted potato in english but i don't realy think it's the same thing...anyway it's a shreded and steaked potato...mmmm...and for a sauce with that i made my ultra low fat tzatziki...
So...in order for you to be able to make something like this for your self...i'll try to explain you how it's done...
First and most important you need to boil potato but not to make a mash out of it...just hard boiled potato...that would be like...cold water...potato in...salt...cook...and when it starts bioling wait 5 minutes and than take a pin or something and test it...you don't want them raw as well...when potato is cooked...let it cook down for a while and in the meantime you can do what i dit...chop some red paprika and onions to add to your potato...trust me it's good...
Ok...the potato is cold pepper and onions are chopped...do now you grate the potato and mix this together...

 Now you need a pan...but make sure that you are using a non- stick pan otherwise you'll have trouble..since you're not alowed to use loads of oil...
Preheat the pan on medium and add some oil...if you wana copy my way...use that spray-bottle...you can by it anywhere,fill it up with your favorite healthy oil and...spray...this way you'll spread the minimum amount of oil for your food...

So in that hot pan put your potato mix...at this point you can add some seasonig,but it wouldn't be a mistake to do that before...i'm using heare black pepper,red pepper,salt,and s touch of thyme...it's a winning combination:-)
Ok potato is in the pan,after three-four minutes use the spatula and flip the side so you get as more colour as posible but be carefull not to burn it...
Efter couple of minutes you can flip side again if you feel that you can have evrm more colour...if not,take it out...put it on a plate and...digg in;-)))

I'm also gonna write how i made my low fat tzatziki...but that i'm gonna leave for some other time...couse my arm got numb of tiping on my phone..so...enjoy your food!!!

take look at this first...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wa3ZDEZj3P8

well..i've forwarded a link that have moved me and make me think...i mean...for a long time i've reserched this subject of over population,and i know all about every conspiracy from georgia gude stones to fema's coffins and underground facilities...blah,blah...but we should realy look at the problem with a certain amount of courage and try to understand where we are..

now...it's a huge subject and i'll try to make point as faster as i can...let's see they say that continuing with this way of multiplying...we gonna reach a number 9 billion before 2050...and to make a story short...there's an obvious pattern which people are having fucking herd of children...yeah...it's not a rule but at the most cases this people are uneducated,primitive,and raw...so what they do all day long...they hump each other without any contraception regardles the primary conditions for life they are ready to provide to their children...wich is in most cases...non!

so what to do...eugenics would suggest just to force the vasectomy,and other surgical procedures and in that way dissable people.most of us would say that this way is a brutal...ok...what else we should do...well if mostly undereducated people are causing the problem...let's educate people so they become aware enough what kind a problem they are making...i mean...it's a great thought beacause...if all humans on the planet wolud simply have one child...this problem would be solved...but the question is...can we make it...

can we manage to educate more than half of humans by the time it's gonna be to late...well i have to say that i'm alittle sceptic about this...we have tried peacfully for the last fifthy years to provide just food and drinking water to primitive counries and we're failed...people are still dying of hunger,and totaly preventable desseses...

well i have to say that from my point of view the only way to establish some order and basic civilisation on the planet is...one world goverment...if we have boundries,borders,diferent laws...we'll never be able to apply our ways of living on a third world countries...

so all this wars that are going on and all the situations that has been created in order to provoke ordinary people reaction...i hope that it's just happening in order for the civilised world goverment establish it's bases and establish control on all the earth's recources,and evetually include all man kind into the proces of building a civilised and sustainable world.

i know that a lot of people would say on this...well no one should have that power...and i kinda agree...but you know what...nato has been bombing serbia while i was there...they wanted to get ridd of slobodan milosevic,so i've kinda been on the other side,and if you ask me should or shouldn't that happend...well i know only this...slobodan milosevic was an asshole..and if i have to choose for a leader betwen that asshole and some german,or swedish,or british or american leader-asshole...well...i choose those other assholes....because this assholes here treat the people way,way better than assholes like milosevic,or sadam or any other fucker like them...

now don't get me wrong i'm not sayng that all the leaders in developed countries are saints...god no...i'm aware that they too like to party,have a hoocker,mabey some cocaine...yeah...of course...but in the end of a day...there's still a rule of law...some regulutions that have to be followed...and that's why i vote for this...

and the measure of war or a bombing itself...it might be cruel,and against humanity...but if you look back in history...there was not one revolution that has happend by the åpresent law at that time...at some point...you migt have to break the law,or corect it,make it more righteous for all...it's the inevitable path towards...what i truely belive is better.

Christmas or not?

A colleauge ask me what's my plan for christmas...well i don't know...since i don't realy respect that kind of stuff...of course when my wife and i get a few kids it's gonna be different...then you have a tree, decorations..fireworks...a whole deal...and yeah,it's nice to have all glowing and shining...but i personaly don't like what that represents...and word is religion...

i don't like it,i don't want it...i don't appreciate it...you know why...because in my head it is just one more way of deviding people...some would say...no this...a lot of people would do mabey something evil but because jesus they won't...great but on the flip side of that..you have wars and hatered all around the world just because one like jesus,others alah and there you go...let us have war over that...also it's very easy for those fee who run this world to give millions of those morons a reason to go to war or to hate...

...and there you go all those religious retards..have something to hate...muslims because

they find this ofensive,christians because they think it's true...shit!

 

   Muslims have crashed those plains on 9/11 NO...they were people,not muslims...but when you wanna create hatered you say muslims...now just to be clear for all of you who haven't been at school that day...i am from serbia,and there people are christians ortodox so don't get me wrong...i'm not a muslim...or christian...for me that's quite idiotic way to present yourself..i'm just saing we are the people...that's how simple it is and the religions are prevents us from thinking and living like that...you know...i came to live in sweden sex years ago...and for me...one of the peaks of present civilization is when i walk through stockholm and get to see all diferent people,religions,races from every corner of the only country that i can acknowledge...the country of planet earth...remember if you think any less than that...you are at least a hundred years behind...so...free your mind!!!

oh yeah and one more thing...if you respect religion...remember that most of the religions don't tolerate gay..among other stuff...so think about to whom are you giving respect...

Fats:-)

fats...how good are they...they give the consistence to a food...taste...what more do you want...dream come true nutrient...so what's the trick....because you realize....when something is that good...in most cases...there something more to it...something's gotta fuck you up...hehehe...yeap...so with fats...there's a lot of speculation in food industry about that good and bad fat,and how good fats are good and bad fats are so not...well it kinda is like that..but nobody of them are teling you the key word for all that... THE AMOUNT..

that's right...the amount of fat you are consuming in respect to your daily activities,gender,weight...blah,blah...is actualy crutial factor deciding wether you're doing right or very,very wrong...people do not understand one thing that those good fats( mono and polysaturated),are still fats..and they all have 9kcal,per one gram...so ask your self when you pouring that olive oil in your salad..do you realy need that much calories in the first place...becouse be sure that all those unburned calories you've consumed are ging to be stored as body fat and who needs that...nobody...so be coucious...

on the other side you have those who are making the oposite mistake...they are terrified that any fat will give them fat on their abs...big mistake...actualy i tried to exclude fat from my nutrition and i can only say...it didn't went well...at all...i felt like shit...i had no energy,and belive it or not i got depressed...so don't ever do that...at least i won't.

what you need to do is firts of all try to rely only on healthy sources of fat,but second try to calculate how much fat do you realy need,and simply don't eat more or less...now i'm not saying that you are a bad person if you have some fatty sweets,or butter and stuff...it's not like you're gonna die...but time to time...that's the key...time to time you do shitty stuff and let the most of the time for rigt things right food,right people...life is good,don't fuck it up...

so i won't be bothering you with this...try to do good,if you won't...fuck it..it's your life...but i just wanna share my favorite good fats sources with ya all...let's say avocado...it's so fuckin' good...ok the taste is nutty a bit but pretty blend...thats why you combine it with salad,or something creamy...i would suggest some low fat dairy product souch as kesella...vineger,garlic...of course...it's guacamole...i just can't stop being suprised how great consistence avocado gives to everything...nuts....how great are nuts...i could eat almonds,peanuts,cashewnuts...for ever...but i have to single out peanut butter...i mean whatta fuck men...that's shit is so good that i enjoy eatin' it just as it is with a spoon...of course i only by those without added oil ...that's shit...but on the first palce of fatty food in my book...and not only fatty food but food in general..is and it allways will be...salmon....shit,shit,shit...that's definitly for me the best tasting food that human being can consume...i discovered it here in sweden,because salmon in serbia...is not bad...bud it taste nothing like real salty water salmon...good i love it.

i love salmon prepared in any way,boiled,steamed,grilled...but one of my favorite versions is gravlax...oj,oj,oj...when i get muy hands on that...there's no stoping...mmmm not good.any way...since i work as a chef...i've got the great oportunity to learn how to gravlax my self...and if you havent tryed it ...do that...because is ten times better then the one you buy in supermarket...and for all of you who don't know how to make it...i can give you recipe...but all you need to do is...ask;-)

 

this is some good shit..right there...

Efter a couple of days...

First things first...my wifey had a surgery..it went quite well,now she is in pain but not as half as she had last year so we are realy happy for that...she still need to take oxicontine few times a day so if i decide to get high...i have all i need at my home:-)...
Second of all today i had a photoshot for body magasine..it was arranged to be in gumse gym in sollentuna...i was there for the first time and it's realy nice gym...you can see from the moment you enter the door that it's owned by a bodybuilder cause everything is hard core...no fancy-shitty machines where is written max weight 35kg or something...just stuff for serious workout...
The owner micke was there,and he was realy nice,helping us with stuff,oiling me up...he even gave me one top tank as a gift...so i'm greatful for that as well an the photographer was the guy named janne..and he was also very nice.
We started quite fast...one photo after another...and as soon as we did a few good ones...janne wanted to climb him self up on some plates,he slipped and broke his remote flash light...he sad ..fuck...and i tought oh shit,there goes my first photoshoot...but good thing was that he had a cable instead so he used that just until we finish.
We did pics for two editions first one was titled something like...ten exercises for muscle mass..and the other one is about my workout and stuff...i asked him if he can email me some test pictures hi took just to put something here in blogg but he said that those he erase as soon as he takes them and the only ones he's got are the ones for the magasine and those are like not for giving to nobody before they are published...but it's ok:-)
Yeah...we started around nine and we finished half past twelve...so i got the time to go home...leave my big bag,have a meal and hang out with my wife and mother in law and go to work from four...busy,busy,busy...but i like it:-)))
Take care!

A battle after battle..

Here i am,just completed one battle another one is knocking on my doorstep...my wife had a broblem with her feet..she could'd do a longer cardio,her feet hurts...when we walk aroun the city summertime...little bit longer her feet gets numb,so we need to sit..

the orthopedist in the hospital told her like ten years ago that she needs to do the surgery sooner ol later..but at that time she needed to pay about 70.000 sek per foot...so she didn't.

Efter a while she got married..to me,found a job in a decent company with quite good scandia-insurence wich cover all expences for that so she went for it...last year she fixed the right one and now when she is almost fully recovered we got one more to go...and it's tomorrow..

While i was on my preparation for the contest i was thinking alot about a weak efter...because i knew what is waiting for us...and it didn't felt good...

Feet are very very slow with recovering...they say that as bigger distance from the hart to the wound it gets more time to recover...but we could't choose wher we gonna have a problem so what to do...it's just quite disturbing the fact that she was on oxicontine for couple of months because of pain...so...it's hard.

I have a day of on the day when they leting her out so i can be there to pick her up and to provide her anything she needs...she was always with me all the way...so it wont be any diference with me now...i would lie if i sad im not afraid a bit...but i'm also very proud of her since she realy brave in this hard time...so....i just wanted to share this wih you all...thanks.