Bare naked...

Hey everyone...

My title might be a bit edgy..like,what kind of sick stuff I'm gonna tell you this time...only this time,I'll write about something that's killing me from the inside...

It's no secret that I wasn't an actual golden boy,when I was younger..I used to not give a fuck about my education,I was stubborn,violent..a little asshole basically..

Today I really try not to be him..I tey to be better,to work,to love and not to hurt..so people often tell me...hey Andrija you're great guy,you're awesome and stuff..

As soon as I get that from people I remember something that I feel I should also tell about myself...

Once I had a girlfriend that I really loved but since I was an asshole that didn't knew how to deal with problems and arguing..I used to be extremely violent on her..

By extremely violent I mean,beating her up..weekly if not daily.

She's got two scars because of me..one on her scalp and one on her face.

I did some crazy shit in my life and for all of that I have some sort of an explanation..

I was defending myself,defending the club I worked at,I wasn't steeling from a single individual,I cheated because I didn't love...and these are not excuses for what I've done...but something I use as an explanation for my actions...

For what I've done to my girlfriend I have no explanation and honestly I don't even wanna look for one..because it would made me even lower form of an asshole..

I was beating her up because I was a bad person..period!

The only reason I didn't write about this before is actually because I couldn't..because it's about her life and her privacy too..so first I needed a permission..

Now...surprisingly enough...with that same girl I have an amazing relationship...

How the fuck is she willing to even speak to me I don't have an idea...but when people see us together they probably think it's weird because we're too good together considering we used to date for like almost five years...and now we're both married...

For me that's not weird at all,because I love her so much even today,but for her to be able to just cross over shit I've done is still mind blowing..

 I never told her how I feel about it..until this summer...

We were finally all alone and I started a conversation...

She was all like..why you wanna go back to that,let it go..who cares..I only remember the beautiful stuff...

Well...me too...accept that stuff..it's haunting me forever..and I'll never be able to forgive myself,even though she did..like long time ago...it's something I still learn how to live with,cuz I know that if it didn't went away by now it's gone be with me forever...

And you know what..it shouldn't..that's the least punishment I can have honestly so I guess it should stay...

This summer I didn't start the conversation to feel better about myself..I felt obliged to tell her,out loud...I'm so very sorry,I regret and I'm ashamed of what I did to you..

Right now while I write about this I feel ashamed and every time I tell this story I feel the same way..and I think it's good..it feels righteous...

Thank you for reading my story🙏🏽